Shira Bicycle CB Radio/AM Radio/Burglar Alarm

The Shira comprehensively covers my obsessions circa the third grade.

AM Radio - To listen to the weekly Top 40
CB Radio - To swap arcane lingo with America's last cowboys - the independent, free-wheeling truckers
Burglar Alarm - Behind every hedgerow, there were Doobie Brothers-lookin' bicycle thieves waiting to steal my bike

As a Schwinn Stingray rider, I am pretty sure this would have been the ultimate accessory.